Ali Hasni's Blog

the ideal relationship

Posted in Personal, Public, Random by Ali on June 7, 2011

A boy’s love is expressed differently from that of a girl.. and no I am not talking about just the dubbed love love relationship between a boy and a girl.. This is bigger.. This is about the love and affection between friends.. between best friends…

Boys show their love differently than the way the girls would show theirs. If girls could really grasp this fact, relationships all over the world would improve. What happens in most cases is that the girls show they love in warm, mushy ways. They talk…, They share everything (or at least as much as the boy will tolerate listening to), They provide nurture and support. But boys are very different and you know this already.

The problem is the female species have spent centuries judging the males for love instead of receiving it as the display of love it is. So when the boy gets past the courting phase, becomes solidly committed to the relationship, and the display of affection or compliments begin to fade, then the girls join the legion of sisters who complain either with humor or bitterly about how he just doesn’t measure up to the ideal of what their real boy is…

Let me tell you, at this point the relationship is in danger of ending and it ain’t the boy’s fault! to explain my claims let me share how the real boy loves and see if you can’t begin to look at him through a kinder lens and a heart warmed by just how very much he actually does let you know he loves you.

There are three ways a boy clearly and definitively shows his love and affection. The first thing the boy does when he knows he loves you and is ready to commit to the relationship is he professes who you are in his life. He calls you as someone who he posses really close to himself…He calls you in a special way….with his words and with his body language. You can see it in the eyes and body language of the folks in his world you are introduced to. You see that spark of recognition that you are different from the other girls he has introduced his friends too… His claim on you is obvious.

The second thing the boy does when he knows he loves you and is ready to commit to the relationship is he provides for you. Now, not every man has the means to buy you expensive things, but to the degree he is able, he will provide for you. One simple example is if you have trouble and ask him for help, he will do everything within his power to assist you in getting it fixed. The boy might be able to resolve the problem entirely… while the other might be able to fix a few things… But nevertheless you should know that the real boy in love wants to provide for you by all his ability and means… Everyday might not produce a perfect conversation or outing…, but in any way he sees he can provide for you and is able, he will.

The third thing a real boy does when he is head over heals in love is he protects. No one is allowed to hurt, insult, or disrespect the girl. He will not be able to tolerate her life or her spirit being in danger. and In my own experience, I have observed two important things about a men’s desire to protect his woman. The first is that He will attempt to protect her from herself. This is why a the man can become infuriated with some of the choices the woman makes because, as a man with his logical thinking, he could have told her this or that choice would be a big mistake. How could she have put the woman he loves most in the whole world (herself) in harm’s way? The other thing I have observed is that a real man in love will sacrifice himself to protect you from himself, if you require it. If you cannot abide him being who he is, expressing himself as a man, he will shrink inside, becoming less effective as a lover and as a partner as he attempts to protect you in the way you say you must be protected. He will not do this indefinitely. At some point, the pressure to express himself as a man will pop and you will lose him. One way or another you will lose him. However, if you find you are no longer invested in exploring the marvelous mystery he is, you might take a look at whether or not you really love him. Because asking him to stifle his masculinity is the
beginning of the end….

the survival mechanism.

Posted in Personal, Public, Random by Ali on May 12, 2011

Sitting in a pitch dark room… Trying to adjust my vision, as to understand my surrounding… Scared as hell.. In fear of the uncertain environment… where there is no connectivity to any being.. the only audible thing is the silence around…Where there is no air to feel.. No objects to sense.. and the olfactory seems dead.. just a pitch dark world which has no shores.. all the more leading to a distressing negative emotion induced by a perceived threat.. The threat because my mind can’t stop thinking of the future events, such as worsening of my situation, or continuation of the unacceptable situation I am in.

When the five sense that lead to interpretation of the environment… don’t work… The mind throws you in a flashback of the worst experiences… that leads to fear which is the ability to recognize danger from my past experiences…. Throws my soul to the places where I take a flight response and flee away from those fears.

However…

In this pitch dark world… there are no shores.. and the senses have gone dead…This is going to be unavoidable.. There is no way but to FACE those fears.. FIGHT those fears..

I feared being alone…alone in the pitch dark world…So I learned to like myself. I feared failure…. failure of never being able to get out…until I realized that I only fail when I don’t try. I feared success.. success of getting out after all these ages.. then I realized that I had to try in order to be happy with myself.

I feared people’s opinions… as the world would have changed.. Then I learned that people would have opinions about me anyway…. I feared rejection… rejection by the new world out there… until I learned to have faith in myself.

I feared pain… the pain that I will go through in this attempt and the several attempts that I will make…But then I learned that it’s necessary for growth…. I feared the truth… the truth that I have gone through this.. and that was just until I saw the ugliness in lies.

I feared life… as the environment around was getting adaptable by now…But then I had to experience its beauty.
I feared death…death before experiencing the beauty of life to it’s maximum… until I realized that death is not an end, but a beginning. I feared my destiny until I realized that only I had the power to change my life.

I feared hatred until I understood that it would be nothing more than ignorance…. I feared love… love of all the lifeless and the living around……until it touched my heart, making the darkness fade into endless sunny days.

I feared ridicule… So I learned how to laugh at myself.
I feared growing old, but the realization that I gained wisdom every day fought back this fear of mine..

I feared the future until I realized that life just kept getting better. I feared the past … the past of all what I had been through… until I realized that it could no longer hurt me.

I feared the dark… until I saw it teach me, how to fight under the beauty of the starlight.
I feared the light until I learned that the truth would give me strength…

I finally made it..

I had a big fight with all those fears…
Just to make my unconscious and subconscious mind under complete control of my conscious mind…

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the coal in my heart

Posted in Personal, Public by Ali on April 12, 2011

Sometimes I feel the hatred i am carrying is a live coal in my heart, far more damaging to myself than to them…… I guess I need to learn to forgive many things in others… While the anger is making me smaller each passing day… Forgiveness is forcing me to grow beyond what I am….

When HE [[[Who’s plan is secret, Who’s authority is manifest, Who’s might is victorious & subduing and Who’s power is prevalent throughout and it is not possible to escape from His dominion…]]] can forgive us… It is hence understood that forgiveness is not an attribute of the weak… Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong….

Relying upon my past remembrance and HIS grace towards me… It really doesn’t matter if the person who hurts deserves to be forgiven…. Forgiveness is actually to move on…. Move on because the worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with oneself….. Move on to the glory of being alone.. in Solitude…

We live in a very tense society. We are pulled apart… and we all need to learn how to pull ourselves together…. I think that at least part of the answer lies in solitude… It’s enough of being afraid to sit a while and think…. It’s time to forgive… It’s time to move on.. It’s time to change from within.. It’s time to go inside myself to the place where I live all alone, and that’s where I can renew my springs that will never dry up…

thereby I ask for forgiveness from all those of you who I have let down..and from all those of you who’s expectations I could not meet… and for all those wrongdoings.. and for all those things I don’t recall having said… and for all promises that I could not meet… and for anything at all that displeased you…

and with this it ends that I hold no coal in my heart.

ups and downs

Posted in Personal, Random by Ali on December 19, 2010

I was at my neighborhood park the other day, just me, my 3 year-old cousin, and our attempt to defy the laws of physics. It all started when she asked me to play on the seesaw with her. Despite my attempts to explain that I was too big and she was too small to successfully teeter-totter, she was convinced that both of us could take turns flying through the air.

So she sat down. Then, I sat down. She went up. I went down. She stayed up. I stayed down. It was no fun. She wanted to get off the seesaw and wanted me to push her on the swing.

While the seesaw served as her first lesson in gravity, for me, it served as a life lesson. Ever looked at a seesaw? I mean really looked at it? It’s one of the simplest pieces of equipment on the playground, but one of the most complex to operate. Without the proper balance on each side, the darn thing is useless. Much like a seesaw being weighted down by the big daddy on the playground, life–without the even weight distribution, or as some folks call it “an even keel”–can be tilted out of whack.

The concept of a well-balanced life, filled with ups and downs, is a simple notion, but one that some of us find hard to grasp. Too many of us let too many things upset our balance. Instead of being happy and healthy and joyful and blessed, not too up, not too down.

Women, material items, friends, work–all good when kept in their proper perspective. But when your lady stops loving right, your job stops paying right, and your friends stop acting right, does that leave you in a tailspin? Are you the type of Brother dependent on so many people and things to “make” you happy that your day, your week, your month is ruined when things that you can’t control go differently than you had anticipated?

We should all strive to be independent Brothers, able to rely solely on ourselves for happiness. When things don’t go right, we should be able to brush our shoulders off and keep living, never letting anyone or anything drastically disturb our life’s balance.

Once you believe, truly believe, that you can take care of your own needs–one of those being your own happiness–only then can you control your own destiny and adjust well to life’s ups and downs.

But that’s not to say that you should be too independent, never asking for help, guidance, or support. We all need assistance, companionship, advice to make it through a crisis, or to take the next step in life’s journey.

Becoming even-keeled starts with making a commitment to leave old emotional patterns behind. For you, it may mean redefining yourself. If your main goal in life is to be anything that depends on people and circumstances outside of your control, then threats to these self-concepts will bend you out of shape, and leave you with little power to make yourself feel better. When we focus on external outcomes, we give up control of our emotions and open ourselves up to other people who can affect us.

Try making a list of at least 10 important general characteristics of yourself. How would you feel about yourself if all of these were threatened at once? Could you still love, respect, and take good care of yourself and still be a happy person? If not, then try to re-examine what changes need to take place in your beliefs about yourself to become less dependent upon others and their view of you.

Most of all, remember that when thinking of yourself and your happiness, push your limits, step beyond your comfort zone. By making an effort to find and keep that balance in your life, you will find that you are well-equipped to handle life’s ups and downs.

COPYRIGHT 2004 Johnson Publishing Co.
COPYRIGHT 2004 Gale Group

sked >>

Posted in Personal, Public, Random by Ali on September 16, 2010

I don’t really retrieve but I read this somewhere.. and ever since I read this quotation.. I changed the way I desired for things…

It’s a funny thing about life.. -If you don’t really accept anything but the best, You very often get it.

On the first instance of reading it..There was an extreme feeling.. I thought success was all about being satisfied. But I did not reject this idea.. Because the quotation did make a rational point. Then I decided to give it a shot, Experiment with a few wants of mine…and It was indeed worth learning. The day I accomplished my first desire with this belief. I made it a value and I said to my self, that from Today, It is going to be most difficult and challenging. Today I will face my fears and stand up for what I believe is right. Today my noble and selfless acts will be accused of cruel and greedy intentions. The methods will be criticized to be impractical and irrational…But No matter what the outcome, I will be stronger, my family will be closer, I will not lose anyone, and I will finally have the closure that I have been seeking for so many years.

The good day started with a positive attitude and a great cup of coffee..then I understood that A person may be inherently wise or experienced, but that means little or nothing if he/she is perceived as a fool. Kudos to those who have the abilities to do what I cannot do. But that’s how the world works around !!

When I tell them my dreams are bigger than my wallet, but I’ll find a way.. It makes no sense to them. Everyone around talks about attainments and not the potential and things work only when You realize your potential.

The only one who is responsible for the way your life works out is you. You cannot change the past, but you can take responsibility for your future. All it takes is a decision. Decide to live a life of discipline rather than one of regret. Remember that discipline weighs ounces and regret weighs tons. Beneath the criticism is an underlying message. Criticism is a smoke screen for deeper feelings. Compare criticism to cheese on a mousetrap. What happens when the mouse takes the cheese? He gets his tail caught in the trap. That’s what happens when you take the bait of criticism. Don’t take the bait, But then saying nothing when you really want to say something only pushes those differences, disagreements, and conflicts under a simmering surface. Just be careful about how you air your feelings when you decide to open up during a conflict.

All I know is that hundreds of years from now, it will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of house I lived in, or the kind of car I drove… But the world may be different because I did something so bafflingly crazy that my ruins become a tourist attraction and for all this to happen I know I cannot change the seasons or the wind (at least, not yet), but I can change myself. As devastating as things may seem, there is always that glimmer of hope to guide you through the storm. All I can tell these people is that If I’m not back in five minutes… just wait longer. But the storm I want to go in is worth the learning.

They ask me How did you fit a lion in your pocket? No wonder it’s ready to roar, Then I tell them If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you…. here my sarcasm only gets me in trouble So I excuse -my brain-to-mouth filter is malfunctioning. But Easy, guys.. I put my pants on just like the rest of you — one leg at a time. Except, once my pants are on, I think.

And I don’t really think that I’m gonna grab one of those bulls over there and ride into town like a conquistador to challenge Hatcher to a duel, show him who the real tooth fairy is. I don’t believe it works that way. I say only If I change my self to what I believe, I can see the change around then. Guess what? I have flaws. What are they? Oh I dunno, I sing in the shower? Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. May be I’ll hit somebody with my car. So sue me– no, don’t sue me. That is opposite the point I’m trying to make.

So the update is that It’s been 243 days since my last attempt to take over the world. I’ve been distracted by my current mission: to leave everyone uninformed and clueless….

Otherwise >>Everything is going according to the Sked…

Cultural Chameleons

Posted in Personal by Ali on March 21, 2010

courtesy: Islamic Occasions

Praying at home or the Masjid and then sneaking out to party. Wearing Hijaab around family and then turning into a fashion diva at school. One person, two worlds and a desperate struggle to juggle them both.

This is the reality which many Muslims living in. We can call them “cultural chameleons” or describe them as having “split personalities.” Whatever the label, the situation is the same… with often tragic consequences. We are not just referring to your community brother or sister’s devastating death, but rather we refer to the many grievous examples of teens running away from home, getting into drugs and much more – the worst of which is turning away totally from Islam, rejecting it completely. We are not exaggerating. It’s a reality and those who deny it are either willfully blind or pitifully naive.

It is time that we addressed the situation seriously. First there must be awareness of the reality and knowledge of its causes. The next step is to know what to do when faced with it directly. And finally, we need to know how to nip the problem in the bud – because an ounce of prevention is better than a pound of cure.

Causes

Although each situation is different, there is a general list of what can cause this worst nightmare of any Muslim parent.

  • Lack of strong Islamic foundation in the home: As with most things, it begins in your own backyard. If you aren’t raising your children as Muslims with a strong understanding of what it means to be a Muslim, then you can’t expect them to be happy about having to follow strict rules all the time. It’s also important to note the difference between Islamand culture. If you don’t pray five times a day or encourage your kids to pray, yet freak out if a female family member walks out with her head uncovered, then you really need to straighten out your priorities.
  • Double standards: Related to the first point, here we’re talking about when parents are setting a double standard for themselves and their children: in public they seek to ingratiate themselves within Western society, to achieve the Western societies dream of big house, fancy car and being best friends with the Joneses next door; yet at home they are obsessed with their children following cultural practices that aren’t even necessarily Islamic. It should be no surprise, then, when the children follow in their parents’ footsteps and start living a double life themselves.
  • Lack of personal understanding/ conviction of Islam: This is another major factor in youth straying from Islam. Again related to the first point – if you don’t have a strong Islamic foundation in the home, then there will be most likely a lack of understanding of what exactly it means to be a Muslim. If you don’t know the reason behind something, how likely are you to do something if you view it as restrictive and interfering? If you tell your children to pray because if they don’t they will burn in Hell, then trust me, they won’t be doing it out of love for Allah (SWT) – they will be doing it out fear and not even fear of Allah (SWT), but fear of you. Similarly, if you tell a girl she has to wear Hijaab because otherwise she will “stain the family’s honour” or some-such rubbish like that, then once she’s exposed to the Western mentality of freedom (and total lack of anything resembling honour) she won’t give two hoots about the Hijaab or your notions of honour. On the other hand, if your child has a personal relationship with Allah (SWT) and knows exactly why we do some things and stay away from others, they will be far more willing to tough it out and continue to obey Allah (SWT).
  • General teen rebellion: Sometimes, teens can just be idiots. Common sense is a rare thing amongst youth these days and it shows… sadly, some take it too far – beyond the streaked hair, Tattoos and pierced bellybutton (hey, as long as it’s covered up by Hijaab, be cool with it!) – and make some really bad choices. Being intoxicated by the passions of youth we never ponder for a moment that we shall we questioned by Allah (SWT).
  • Insecurity: This is something which affects people everywhere, regardless of their race, religion or even age. The desire to want to “fit in” and become an accepted member of the crowd is human nature – sometimes it can be a good thing; other times it can be so harmful and detrimental. For girls, the issue is often about body image and beauty, which is why Hijaab becomes such a struggle. For guys, it can be about proving their “manliness” (by pursuing other girls or getting involved in ‘tough guy’ activities like drinking alcohol, drugs etc). Build your child’s self-esteem at home and let them know that they don’t need to seek approval from anyone except Allah (SWT). Compliment your children, praise them, let them be confident in their faith and in themselves. Tell your son that he’s cool. Tell your daughter that she’s beautiful. Don’t demean them or belittle them; honour them as the Holy Prophet (Sallallaahu Alaihi wa Sallam) honoured his daughter Hazrat Fatimah (sa) by giving her his sitting place.
  • Bad companions: The Holy Prophet (Sallallaahu Alaihi wa Sallam) said: “The example of a good companion and a bad one is the bearer of musk and the worker on the bellows. A bearer of musk would give you some, you might buy some from him, or you might enjoy the fragrance of his musk. The worker on the bellows, on the other hand, might spoil your clothes with sparks from his bellows, or you get a bad smell from him.”(Hadith Al-Bukhari and Muslim).Undoubtedly, the kind of people your kids hang out with will have a huge influence on them – especially at school, which is what a teen’s life pretty much revolves around. Non-Muslims (and even so-called “Muslims”) who have totally different standards morality-wise will definitely make life difficult for your kid: challenging Islam and belittling all that it stands for. While we know that many will say it’s a great Da’wah opportunity or that it builds character and can be a way to strengthen emaan, the reality is that not all youth are strong enough to emerge the company of such people unscathed. Sadly, we have lost too many of the younger generations to Shaytaan’s misguided lifestyle and we can’t use a minority of successful young Muslims to deny that reality. The Messenger of Allah (pbuh) informed us that : “A man follows his friends religion, you should be careful whom you make friends with.”(Hadith Abu Dawud/Tirmidhi)
  • The “Adolescent” Myth: This mentality is one of “I’m young, let me have fun and then I’ll be religious when I’m older!” It’s an attitude of irresponsibility, immaturity and misunderstanding of Islam and the purpose of our lives. By absolving oneself of responsibility, it’s easier for teens to indulge in the Haraam without feeling so guilty about it. Thus, it’s obviously very important to instill a sense of responsibility and dutifulness to Allah (SWT) in our youth – basically, to abolish this kind of mentality. The Holy Prophet (sallallaahu Alaihi wa Sallam) said : “An intelligent person is the one who calls himself to account and and does deeds to benefit him after death and a foolish person is he who follows his desires and hopes from Allah (SWT).” (Hadith Tirmidhi)

Symptoms

How do you know if your child, your sibling or your friend is a “cultural chameleon”? It can be difficult to spot it, but however much a kid can try to sneak around, those closest to them can usually figure out what’s going on. Here are some of the symptoms of the double-life syndrome.

  • Change of attitude – Increased rebellion, aggression and disrespect are major red flags. If they’re behaving like that towards you, do you think they won’t behave like that towards Allah (SWT)? In fact, if they are acting like that with you, then already they’re showing their defiance of Allah! Taqwa and good behaviour to parents go hand-in-hand:“And your Lord has commanded that you worship none but Him, and that you be kind to your parents.” (Quran – Surah al-Israa 17, verse 23)
  • Shows dislike of Islamic practices (“Yuck, Hijaab is so old-fashioned,” “What’s the point of praying? It’s stupid!” etc.) This is particularly obvious in a household that is generally religious or has more than just a tentative connection to the religion.
  • Secretive, sneaky. It’s important for parents to keep an eye on their kids and know where they are and what they’re doing. If you notice that your child is being secretive, sneaky and generally deceptive about their activities, then it’s a major red flag that your son or daughter isn’t doing the right thing. This goes for pretty much all families, Muslim and non-Muslim alike, but for us Muslims it means more than just that your kid is with bad company or doing bad things: it means that they’re losing their connection to Allah (SWT) and to Islam, and this in itself is far worse than whatever sinful activities they’re engaged in.

Solutions

An ounce of prevention is worth more than a pound of cure. Educate your child from a young age, build a strong (but loving) Islamic environment within the home. Make them aware of their identity as Muslims, emphasize pride in their Muslim identity. However, we can’t say that prevention is the only thing that we can do – the reality is that even children who were raised in a strong Islamic environment can be “lost” in the materialistic world… and this is the reality we have to deal with, not deny.

Having said that, here are some practical solutions on dealing with such situations.

  • Do not react angrily or violently. If you find out your kid is lying to you and is leading a double life, do NOT freak out at them, scream at them, hit them, etc. This will :
    1) scare them,
    2) reinforce their belief that “Islam/ Muslims are evil/ violent”, and
    3) not be productive in any way, shape, or form.
  • Take some time to cool off after you find out. Pray a Naafilah (voluntary salaah), and make lots of dua i.e. ask Allah (SWT) to grant you the patience and strength to deal with the situation.
  • Talk to them. Ask them what has led them to do the things they’ve done, what their state of belief is (cases differ drastically: some teens still have emaan and are just confused; others go to the point where they deny Islam completely), and how they feel about their situation in general. Try not to judge them; the key is to listen to them and know where they’re coming from. This will give you information on how to best approach them when the time comes to try and “fix” things.
  • Serious counselling may be needed. If you feel as though you are unable to deal with the situation correctly yourself, contact a trustworthy, knowledgeable, and understanding person, Moulana or Shaykh in your area. It’s best to have someone involved who not only knows the Islamic perspective of things, but can also relate to and understand your child. There must be someone whom your child can feel comfortable enough to work with/ talk to if they don’t feel they can open up to you (the parents).

In this stage, there has to be a lot of give-and-take, questions-and-answers. If you already had a long talk with your child previously and asked them all those questions, then now is the time to bring forth your feelings. If you haven’t had the talk, then now is the time to initiate it.

Counselling is a long and sometimes painful process, and only one step forward towards healing. One cannot expect things to change overnight and it will be very difficult – all I can say is, trust in Allah (SWT) and look to the Holy Prophet (pbuh) and Ahlul Bayt (as) for help. Have emaantaqwa and lots of patience and forbearance. Constantly turn to Allah (SWT) in Du’a (prayer). Indeed, this is something that should be done at all times… it is a means of prevention, as well as part of the path to the cure.

Allah (SWT) Most Wise and Most Merciful says:

“No one despairs of Soothing Mercy from Allah except for those who are unbelievers”(Quran – 12:87)

Positive Parenting …

Posted in Personal, Public, Random by Ali on March 18, 2010

Coutesy: Madrasah Al Zahra—DSM

Raising kids is one of the toughest and most fulfilling jobs in the world — and the one for which you may feel the least prepared.  Here are nine child-rearing tips that can help you feel more fulfilled as a parent — and enjoy your kids more, too.

1. Nurture Your Child’s Self-Esteem

Kids start developing their sense of self as babies when they see themselves through their parents’ eyes. Your tone of voice, your body language, and your every expression are absorbed by your kids. Your words and actions as a parent affect their developing self-esteem more than anything else. Praising accomplishments, however small, will make them feel proud; letting kids do things independently will make them feel capable and strong. By contrast, belittling comments or comparing a child unfavorably with another will make kids feel worthless.

Avoid making loaded statements or using words as weapons. Comments like “What a stupid thing to do!” or “You act more like a baby than your little brother!” cause damage just as physical blows do. Choose your words carefully and be compassionate. Let your kids know that everyone makes mistakes and that you still love them, even when you don’t love their behavior.

2. Catch Kids Being Good

Have you ever stopped to think about how many times you react negatively to your kids in a given day? You may find that yourself criticizing far more often than complimenting. How would you feel about a boss who treated you with that much negative guidance, even if it was well-intentioned?

The more effective approach is to catch kids doing something right: “You made your bed without being asked — that’s terrific!” or “I was watching you play with your sister and you were very patient.” These statements will do more to encourage good behavior over the long run than repeated scolding.

Make a point of finding something to praise every day. Be generous with rewards — your love, hugs, and compliments can work wonders and are often reward enough. Soon you will find you are “growing” more of the behavior you would like to see.

The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.w) has said “ Kiss your children often, for every display of affection will raise your status in heaven.”

3. Set Limits and Be Consistent With Your Discipline

Discipline is necessary in every household. The goal of discipline is to help kids choose acceptable behaviors and learn self-control. They may test the limits you establish for them, but they need those limits to grow into responsible adults.

Establishing house rules helps kids understand your expectations and develop self-control. Some rules might include: no TV until homework is done, and no hitting, name-calling, or hurtful teasing allowed.

You might want to have a system in place: one warning, followed by consequences such as a “time out” or loss of privileges. A common mistake parents make is failure to follow through with the consequences. You can’t discipline kids for talking back one day and ignore it the next. Being consistent teaches what you expect.

4. Make Time for Your Kids

It’s often difficult for parents and kids to get together for a family meal, let alone spend quality time together. But there is probably nothing kids would like more. Get up 10 minutes earlier in the morning so you can eat breakfast with your child, or leave the dishes in the sink and take a walk after dinner. Kids who aren’t getting the attention they want from their parents often act out or misbehave because they’re sure to be noticed that way.

Don’t feel guilty if you’re a working parent. It is the many little things you do — making popcorn, playing games, window shopping — that kids will remember.

5. Be a Good Role Model

Young kids learn a lot about how to act by watching their parents. The younger they are, the more cues they take from you. Before you lash out or blow your top in front of your child, think about this: is that how you want your child to behave when angry? Be constantly aware that you’re being observed by your kids. Studies have shown that children who hit usually have a role model for aggression at home.

Model the traits you wish to cultivate in your kids: respect, friendliness, honesty, kindness, tolerance. Exhibit unselfish behavior. Do things for other people without expecting a reward. Express thanks and offer compliments. Fulfill your wajibats without fail. Above all, treat your kids the way you expect other people to treat you.

>>>>> Interesting,,, Seems that, I just have the perfect parents!

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what it takes to be PERFECT?

Posted in Personal, Public, Random by Ali on January 1, 2010

Meditation in God is my capital.
Reason and sound logic are the root of my existence.
Love is the foundation of my existence.
Enthusiasm is the vehicle of my life.
Contemplation of Allah is my companion.
Faith is the source of my power.
Sorrow is my friend.
Knowledge is my weapon.
Patience is my clothing and virtue.
Submission to the Divine Will is my pride.
Truth is my salvation.
Worship is my habit.
And in prayer lies the coolness of my eye and my peace of mind.

— Imam Ali (A.S.)

I am 7000 days old….1000 weeks ..

Posted in Personal by Ali on May 18, 2009

as on 18th may 2009…omg…

they are going to compete google..
I am really out of words..

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Compare people by typing in their name.. Enter a date and get to know all about it.. Mathematical Calculations… Biographies and name details…Geographic details.. Historical details… Loads and tons more..

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lost my email account..

Posted in Personal by Ali on May 16, 2009

Something really serious for all new blogger @ word press to know..

happy to have my domain pointed to my word press blog, i was all gung ho about it.. but something which i never expected happened to me.. this is really sad.. and that’s the reason, we should not expect anything out of anyone.. .. i always decide to be prepared for the worst.. and then re-decide for the next time after the worst is already here.. more preventive steps i take .. more discoveries of worst come across.. 

once my domain pointed to the word press name servers.. i stop receiving emails in my domain’s account that’s – da_dude@alihasni.com … sad for me that i did not suspect word press for this.. since i had just changed the name servers and not the mx record which manages the email server.. so there was no question to suspect word press for this..

how ever… pass 4 days i had not been receiving any emails in my account and this made me really wonder.. not even my regular subscriptions were delivered.. i receive 30 to 40 emails a day.. and there was nothing in 4 days.. 

then i tried writing an email to my self and to my shock i realised that it is bouncing back for some reason.. like a fool i decided to take the matter up my self instead of writing to Microsoft… i logged in to my Windows Admin Control Panel and there it showed me pending dns configuration.. i still did not suspect word press that this could be because i changed my name servers…

thinking something might have gone wrong .. i changed the mx record again to what the page on Windows Admin Control Panel was asking me to do…

this still did not work.. because somehow word press had got the mx record setting in their control .. although i have not registered the domain with them.. had just pointed the name servers to them.,,,

then only God knows what i was trying to discover.. I clicked on a button that said Edit Mail Box and then pressed OK.. in spite of the warning that i could lose my messages.

if you believe me.. every single communication i had in my in box, draft, sent box everything is gone.. all my folders.. and i do not have a backup… 

i did not lose my cool this time.. and i do not know why.. although this is really important to me.. may be i have just got use to losing important stuff… or i have seriously gained control over emotions.. i just shut down the pc after seeing i have lost every communication of mine and diverted my mind from there.. 

damn there were more than 7000 mails and 1500 unread mails.. which i still had to read in detail… 

after 2 days…. still hunting for the mistake i made.. i was going through the word press faq to see that if i change my name servers does it really affect my mx record.. and there it said .. yes i will not be able to continue with my mail service.. DAMN >> why did i not read this first????

i wrote to Microsoft today.. asking them to somehow restore my in box with all my folders and mails.. hope they co-operate and do it.. till then my email will not be working ….

i now decide to keep a redirection page on my domain to word press blog instead of pointing dns.. because i just love the Hotmail Interface.. and now it’s Windows Live.. it’s even better.. and I want to keep up to this.. 

so please please pray … that i get my communications back somehow..