Ali Hasni's Blog

the survival mechanism.

Posted in Personal, Public, Random by Ali on May 12, 2011

Sitting in a pitch dark room… Trying to adjust my vision, as to understand my surrounding… Scared as hell.. In fear of the uncertain environment… where there is no connectivity to any being.. the only audible thing is the silence around…Where there is no air to feel.. No objects to sense.. and the olfactory seems dead.. just a pitch dark world which has no shores.. all the more leading to a distressing negative emotion induced by a perceived threat.. The threat because my mind can’t stop thinking of the future events, such as worsening of my situation, or continuation of the unacceptable situation I am in.

When the five sense that lead to interpretation of the environment… don’t work… The mind throws you in a flashback of the worst experiences… that leads to fear which is the ability to recognize danger from my past experiences…. Throws my soul to the places where I take a flight response and flee away from those fears.

However…

In this pitch dark world… there are no shores.. and the senses have gone dead…This is going to be unavoidable.. There is no way but to FACE those fears.. FIGHT those fears..

I feared being alone…alone in the pitch dark world…So I learned to like myself. I feared failure…. failure of never being able to get out…until I realized that I only fail when I don’t try. I feared success.. success of getting out after all these ages.. then I realized that I had to try in order to be happy with myself.

I feared people’s opinions… as the world would have changed.. Then I learned that people would have opinions about me anyway…. I feared rejection… rejection by the new world out there… until I learned to have faith in myself.

I feared pain… the pain that I will go through in this attempt and the several attempts that I will make…But then I learned that it’s necessary for growth…. I feared the truth… the truth that I have gone through this.. and that was just until I saw the ugliness in lies.

I feared life… as the environment around was getting adaptable by now…But then I had to experience its beauty.
I feared death…death before experiencing the beauty of life to it’s maximum… until I realized that death is not an end, but a beginning. I feared my destiny until I realized that only I had the power to change my life.

I feared hatred until I understood that it would be nothing more than ignorance…. I feared love… love of all the lifeless and the living around……until it touched my heart, making the darkness fade into endless sunny days.

I feared ridicule… So I learned how to laugh at myself.
I feared growing old, but the realization that I gained wisdom every day fought back this fear of mine..

I feared the future until I realized that life just kept getting better. I feared the past … the past of all what I had been through… until I realized that it could no longer hurt me.

I feared the dark… until I saw it teach me, how to fight under the beauty of the starlight.
I feared the light until I learned that the truth would give me strength…

I finally made it..

I had a big fight with all those fears…
Just to make my unconscious and subconscious mind under complete control of my conscious mind…

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